Torn
by Skippy1
Summary: Westley takes a journey to rediscover his past. Slash, but nothing too graphic.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer:  I don't own the characters, and I'm not making money off of this.

A/N:  In case you don't remember, Ryan was the real name of the dude who was the Dread Pirate Roberts before Westley.  For now, this is just Westley pondering, but it will get exciting in the middle.  Hope you enjoy.

Torn 

Chapter 1

Westley awoke to the sun pouring in from the window.  It was morning.  The air was chilly inside the house, but he felt warm under the thick blanket that covered him and his wife next to him.  Westley was a morning person; he felt wide-awake now, just lying here, but he did not get out of the bed.  He used this peaceful time to reflect or ponder his life, or think about what needed to be done for the day.

            He had awoken from a vivid dream, Westley suddenly remembered.  The same happy, and yet haunting dream he had been having every night for a while.  He had been back on the Revenge.  Ryan and him had just had a conversation about something, and Westley was turning around and leaving.__

_            "Westley, wait," called Ryan.  Westley turned back around and was entranced.  Ryan's expression and posture, leaning against his desk, seemed so jaunty and confident.  His dark eyes, perfectly framed by auburn hair falling in his face, seemed powerful like a thunderstorm.  His slight smile added a touch of humor to the picture.  He was beautiful.  Westley wanted nothing other than to stare at him forever. _

            _Ryan took a step toward Westley.  "There is something else," he said.  They both leaned forward and their lips met in a fiery kiss.  Westley felt Ryan's hands move down his back, and Westley placed his own hands on Ryan's neck.  _

            That was it.  The dream usually ended there, although Westley knew what happened afterward.  That night was burned in his memory forever, along with other nights.  

            Buttercup stirred in her sleep.  Westley turned his head and stroked her hair.  She was beautiful; there was no doubt about that.  And he loved her with all of his heart.

            But what about Ryan?  Ryan was probably on some island paradise somewhere, enjoying his retirement.  When Westley was the Dread Pirate Roberts, he had still sailed as a crewmember in order to be with Westley.  After Westley left the Revenge, Ryan probably had no reason to stay and left.  

            Westley wouldn't have even left the Revenge if he hadn't heard about Vizzini's plan to murder Buttercup.  He had still loved her, though not as strongly as he did Ryan, and he couldn't just sit back and let her be killed.  But he had just planned to save her, and return again, not to be taken captive into the Pit of Despair and so on.

            Now Inigo was the Dread Pirate Roberts, and Ryan was completely retired.  But the problem was, Westley still loved Ryan.  He loved both him and Buttercup.  And then there were the dreams.  The dreams of Ryan that teased him so. 

            Yes.  He had to go back.  He had to leave this place, and find his love.   


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2         

The decision was made.  Yes, he loved Buttercup, but if he stayed, the dreams would continue and haunt him forever.  Westley quietly pulled back the sheets and put his feet on the floor.  He glanced at the sun through the window.  Buttercup usually did not awaken for at least another forty-five minutes, giving him time to pack and write a farewell note.  

            Quickly he dressed and found his old brown sack.  He remembered that it was the same one he had had when he left Buttercup the first time to get money for them to marry.  The reasons he was leaving now were quite the opposite.  He shook the thought away and gathered a few changes in clothing.  He took some of the money that they had saved, leaving the most for Buttercup.  A loaf of bread had been made the night before.  He sliced it in half and put one half of it in the sack, along with the knife he had used.  

            Now he had to write the letter.  He stared at the paper for a few moments, wondering how to start, but once he did, the words came with surprising ease.

_My dearest Buttercup,_

_            By the time you awaken, I will be gone.  There is something I must do.  I cannot tell you where I am going, or when I will return to you, for I am not sure myself.  All I know for sure is that I love you.  I love you with all of my heart.  I hate leaving you like this, only a month from our first wedding anniversary, but I must go.  Now, as I write this letter, still here in our home, I already anxiously await the day I return.  I will do my best to make sure that day comes as quickly as it can. _

_                                                                        With all my love,_

_                                                                                            Westley _

            In truth, Westley had no idea if he would ever return to Buttercup.  He felt guilty about lying, but it would comfort her.  Well, as comforted as she could be, after her husband leaves her without a warning, he realized.  But he had to leave.  He had to find Ryan.

            Finally, he took his sword off the shelf on the wall.  He had not touched it in a while, and it had collected a bit of dust.  He licked his finger and ran his hand ceremoniously across the blade.  He then tossed it lightly from hand to hand as everything he had learned of swordplay came back to him.  The sword was good as new, and he hadn't lost his touch.  He put the sword into his belt, grabbed his sack, and headed out the door.


End file.
